Time to submit a paper!!!

Dearest Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

It time for me to share this ... I have promised to do so a couple of weeks ago but i hestitated because i was really wondering whether what i am sharing here is really God's Will ... Here I am going to share something that is going to be personal ... It took a Spirit of Courage to share with you about what has revealed to me during my 2 hours of prayer time whether it's really God's will for me to further my studies. To discover God's Will is to really know and discover your desires ... and here's what i have come to discover over that 2 hours... I can't gurantee that this is God's Will but I really need the prayers of the COmmunity to help me to persevere through my 3 - 3.5 years of studies.

But before i continue, I would like to share something about what i learnt in the Men's Group through Edwyn. That prayer from your heart can really touched God's Heart and change your life. Yesterday, during session, I was sharing some of my difficulties of relating to God though my life has been pretty smooth especially in the area of my work ... really have nothing to complain since i have been receiving so much praises from my colleagues (which i really don't know why). But struggle comes because there has been a lot of negative voices from within and i know deep inside me that these are not from God. What happened was that during the closing prayer last night, i felt that i praying from the heart ... asking God to help us to to start looking at our blessings in our lives again and to hear His Voice more and more and true enough, last evening, so many things actually happened ... I began to see my blessings in my life and that God began to reveal to be how blessed I am and to really show me that I am His Beloved Son of the Father... Praise be to God!!! Will share details some other time ... but i have to admit that whatever happened last night was affirmation for me that has given me the green light to go ahead with my studies .. I don't have to worry and i just have to surrender my lousy plans to Him and He will do the rest so long as i do my best.

So here it's ... how I actually discern whether this is really God's Call ... for me, i strongly believe that i have to search my deepest desire and to look into my personal salvation history and God's Purpose in my life .. his purpose of creating me. - be prepared gonna be a long one man ... it's taken from my prayer journal with the Lord.

1. Born with this condition

After going through this major operation, my desire to do this pharmaceutical management course grew deeper and deeper. Taking medication makes a lot of sense to me and by doing so, it changed my perspective of life. This has truly make a disciple of God because it has made more disciplined, has increased my ability to manage my time better.

I always have this deep belief tat I was born with this condition for a purpose and the Lord allowed me to continue my life with long term medication. He could have healed me completely without any medication .. why is it that he allowed it ... i believe this is allowed me to see the value of drugs. That medicinal drugs, created by him through plants etc etc are meant to heal as well and not necessarily thru physical healing that is possible as well. Taking cyclosporine, for instance, is a kind drug that is found in some microorganism... these microorganism is also created by the Lord himself to heal people.

My desire increases has i began to be more interested in the way how drugs are discovered and can really improve the lives of others esp the medicinal chemistry behind the drugs that i take and how it can affect the lives of others.

2. First Encounter

My MSN address ... chem_freak was not there for no reason... and Evelyn would not compose my 21st Birthday Song, with the phrase "Chemistry Freak" for no purpose. But honestly, my chemistry is not that fantastic but i really enjoyed studying this subject.

In any case, my very first encounter with Chemistry was when I was in Secondary Three. I was so inspired by how Mrs Selena Tan, my chemistry teacher taught me back then. My eyes would literally open big big one ... and together with some of my classmates, we would all sit right in front during her lessons.

For those who don't know about me, well, i was from the Normal Academic Class back then. There was one particular test which really shocked me la. I did so well for that test that i topped the whole cohort la (including among express students). My love for chemistry brought me further to pursue a diploma in chemical process technology. Oh ya, moreover, I took part in a chemistry competition in Secondary 3 and i came in second after Ken Mendoza (some of you might know who is he). He's actually from our parish and currently finish his bachelor's in Chemical Engineering in Imperial College. He will be coming back to Singapore for good (most probably la).. in fact, he join us for a period of time (Youthworks then)... Oh ya, the interesting things was that the person who join me in my chemistry competition team was Daryl Spykerman. Daryl Spykerman is now working with Edwyn in CAYC .. such a small world.

Anyway, as i was saying, whilst pursuing this diploma course, i was further inspired by two of my lecturers who taught me Pharmaceutical Chemistry. Wow ... can you believe it after 4 years of graduation, i still can draw the Penicillin molecular structure... I am crazy over this structure la. My love for the Pharmaceutical chemistry grew during tat period.

3. Consolation speaking to Colin Ong

Well, somewhere in February, I knew at that point in time that i had to decide whether i should apply for NUS Chemistry or Pharmaceutical Management - MDIS. Of course, if i have this opportunity i would rather further my studies - full time. Back then, I felt it was so timely since i already had done my operation hence, I wanted to further my studies.

When I had a conversation with Colin Ong and my mother that very day, when I was deciding to do NUS Chemistry or Pharmaceutical Management, my heart seemed to tell me to go ahead with Pharmaceutical Management even though, in my head, i know that NUS Chemistry is more recognized than the private course. That was the first time when i actually experienced what it means when people say ... follow your heart. Well, for those who know me well, i can't sit still for nuts. I must move around one ... to meet people and i am not that kind of person who really likes research. I have been working with NUS for 1.5 years and during which, i was given some opportunity to do polymer synthesis ... and i don't really enjoy it .. though the theory behind really excites me. It's really quite annoying when you spend so much time .. up to about 7 days and you only get a few milligram of products...waste my time man ... i don't have tat patience. As such, NUS chemistry, which usually trains people to be researchers .. working in the lab ..which is not really my cup of tea. Though, in NUS Chemistry, I could actually major in Drug Chemistry but yet i have no inclination to drugs itself.

As for Pharmaceutical Management, it balances both management techniques and laboratory work ... and of course, a lot of drilling into drugs-related modules (which will make me go crazy during the lessons...). As for me, I really hope that after my graduation, if God will, I hope to see myself to work in hospitals or A-STAR .. going into IP Management, Clinical Trials .. etc etc. (more office based rather than in the labs).

In conclusion for this section, the fact that I was able to make clear decision of what is my real desire clearly shows God is kinda of approving me to further my studies. In another words, for me, it was like clearing one obstacle to another step by step.

4. Prayer time (Adoration Time)

I realli hope this is from God Himself. During that time when i was really sitting praying about this ... oh ya, my sole purpose of praying at that time was purely on discerning this ... As i was closing my eyes, what i saw was an image of 3 cyclosporine tablets that went through my throat. It kinda of spoke to me but i don't really know what it means. But i was filled with joy as i saw this ... it could be .. go ahead ... do not worry. To me, it was like an affirmation from the Lord.

5. Season for everything

About 3 - 4 years ago, i applied for this course and was already accepted into it but because of my condition, i had to wait a little while. At that point in time, the season was not right ... there is a season for everything.

Beginning of this year, I felt quite strongly that the time has come and it is much more appropriate to go for it since i had already down my operation. And my situation is so much better than before.

Initially, there were plans for me to pursue it in April 2007 but i realise that it was not timely as yet as I just started with a new job and i still have my confirmation class to finish up with. And it was so ironic that, when I got my offer letter, i was exempted from one of my bridging modules as such, I don't have to start my course early which is supposed to be in early september. But instead mid-september, which the confirmatio camp is over!!! And confirmation day itself is on 23rd September and as long as i finish up all the administrative stuff early, i guess nothing much to be done other than ensuring that parents-&-god parents got our instructions well-communicated.

Through this, I was able to see that everything was already well-planned by the Lord. First, I needed time to settle in with my new job which, interestingly, i was able to settle in pretty fast. Second, that course starts just right smark after my confirmation class is over... and i can say bye bye to my beloved students. Oh ya, the fact that i able to persevere through my desire (3- 4 years)shows that it's really my deep desire ...

6. New Job

Well, having God provided me with this job, which i initially even struggled to leave NUS Chemistry because of some of my initial worries, I can sense that this is truly God's Providence for me.

With this new job, I am much more satisfied and happier than before and truly God always has a better plan. There has been many affirmation from my new colleagues that this would be the best place to study and work ... the stress level is not that high here and God has provided me with a desk location for me to study and pray peacefully.

Moreover, I given very good flexi benefit here .. $600 for me to pay for my book per financial year. And moreover, i am given up to 12 study leave per year ... Cool right? So i don't have to use my annual leave to study for my exams. There is another benefit which I have yet to get the result, that my monthly medical which cost up to about $100 plus and $300 plus (medication via CPF) might be able to claim back ... i am still waiting for approval from the Insurance company which was the arrangement with my current company.

So what were some of my obstacles that i faced initially which I felt that i don't even have to worry because God will take care of them ...

1. Financially Burdened

One morning, during my prayer time, I had a wisdom that came to me and I believe it was from the Holy Spirit. With this thought in my mind, I shared it with my mother yesterday evening about the plans. I felt that there wasn't any much worry for me now ... I will just settle in for the first year and see how it goes and i am not going to apply for any loan which saves me some money from the 3% interest.

Well, last year, was good time where the Lord showed me that He provides especially with my operation... For those who doesn't know, my mother did not have to pay a single cent for her operation as she applied for some scheme. The operation (for my mother and myself), we came up to about $30K and in the end, turn out to be only $5k which we did not have to pay a single cent (cash) but only through CPF. It really teaches me that God really do take care of us ... if we were to surrender our plans to him and not to worry so much la ...

Moreover, the fact that he changed my job so that my salary will increase ... another's another providence for me.

Knowing my character, i know that I am person who need to be disciplined through different situation. For instance, struggling with my medication has always been an issue for me but through the major operation, to me it's really nothing ... it's really small case in my life now... praise be to God ... hence, i felt that the Lord is disciplining me to control and manage my finance well through my desire to further my studies. I believe by going through this finanicial burden God is answering my prayer to learn to spend more wisely than before and manage my finance better.

2. Commitment Issues

The other obstacle which I struggled initially was my many commitments that i am in now. With work, MSC, MSC Core, Men-to-Men, and finally Catechism, i was really wondering how am I going to even cope with my studies, but now, I realised that i do not even have to worry.

As for catechism, as i mentioned earlier ... finishes in September 2007 after my students gets confirmed and i felt it's really time for me to move on after teaching for 9 years.... and i have to really concentrate on the Young Adults of the Parish... especially those who left the church or those who find it difficult to see God in their daily life.

Next, I have already had the opportunity to speak to Edwyn about my struggles of leaving the Men to Men group because I was worried that my faith will be affected since it has helped me greatly in my journey over the past one year plus. But he shared with me that it doesn't matter which group that i am going to be with so long as there is someone in my life that going to journey with.... preferably a priest - a spiritual director ... something that i have to work on soon before i leave men to men for the next 3 years or so.

So that left with me the MSC Core, ... oh well, God is good man ... since i am exempted from 2 modules in my first year, i have more time with MSC still ... as such i only take 2 modules per term hence, i still can contribute much and i don't much lessons for my first year. So God was already answering my prayer even before the course actually starts...

Oh ya ... last but not least, Edwyn did mentioned something which i felt was very important for me... that the support from the people around you especially your family is so important ... with my mother's great support to pursue my studies, I believe i am able to pull through all the way to the end ... so my dearest Community ... must support me with prayer okay?

THE END ... (Finally) ...

With Love,
Your brother in Christ,
Colin Sng