Broken Dreams

every family has its own problems.

i remember a few years ago, i was very upset about some imperfections in my family, and i shared with one of you and that was what that person told me, and though it seems quite a pessimistic statement, it gave me comfort, in a way, to know that i'm not facing this alone.

this mother's day was quite a dramatic one, i was just having this internal struggle for most part of last week, about how irritating my sisters were, again, about how so many people have been telling me to change my sister's image, cos she looked like a guy, and about how reading her blog gave me so much uneasiness but i just couldn't just go up to her and talk to her about it. then there was the worry about my other sister just staying home whole day and really just not doing anything, and she doesnt think that there's anything wrong with not doing anything useful at all for the past 5-6 months. ya.. dunno how she does it too la. worrying about how she might not wanna face people, still having that shyness of a little kid when made to buy food or just not having enough social skills.

then my mum keeps worrying me about her health, and when i advise her on things she should do, like food to avoid etc, she'd sometimes snap at me, but when she's really worried or not feeling well, she'd appear so helpless. for all my life, i've been looking up to my parents for being sure and confident of what to do, especially in a situation when i don't know what to do, i'd look to them for solutions, so much so that i couldn't tolerate that helplessness she felt. like hello you're supposed to know more than me, if you're helpless how do you expect me to help you? but i realise that i'm no longer a young child who is dependent on her parents to help her out in situations, now responsibilities are slowly being added onto my shoulders as well. maybe it's just the feeling of all that becomes very overwhelming and somewhat suffocating the past week.

so i was supposed to go out with my cousin after session on sunday, but she msged me in the morning saying her dad ran away, so she had to stay with her mum to console her. and i was very shocked at the news la! n suddenly all my own grouses about my family appeared so so small, and im really just glad that my family is together. and i knew my cousin was angry with her dad, and with everything that happened, and i could tell her to reconcile and forgive. its so easy to say, but when small little things that irritate me, or get to me, it's so hard for me to let go too. but thank God, my uncle came back so hopefully things are better now.

everytime i pray i have to really really remind myself to stop worrying and trust. haha, then yesterday at the great bible adventure (eh, it's really quite inspiring, if you're free can go! 8-9pm on monday nights in our room!), talked about how abraham really trusted God even when God asked him to offer Isaac as a sacrifice. It really made me reflect on how much i trust God with the big and small things in my life. and then i saw a bookmark in my bible, it read,

Broken Dreams

As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God because He was my friend.

But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own.

At last, I snatched them back and cried,

"How could you be so slow?"

"My child," He said,

"What could I do? You never did let go."

so yup, that was really a very clear message for me to 'cast my cares on Him'. and stop worrying! hahaha.

anyway, im having my preceptorship now, and cos i am attached to watsons, and it's retail, i was supposed to work shifts BUT!! my preceptor is SO SO NICE he cancelled the afternoon shift! so i can go for dance aND the bible great adventure AND ascension day mass at 8 with everyone else! YAY. i almost had to go for the 630am one la!!! thank God!