praise you in this storm

i know i know. which song am i gonna quote next right?

i read colin's post for the second or third time and as i read it today, something (not so) new struck me. my attitude in contrast with colin's and many other men and women of faith. this hit me as i was reflecting on the mathematics of god, on the phrase "you give and take away" which kickstarted my previous post. this was further augmented by the scenes which greeted me as i finally watched singapore gaga (a local movie) on dvd yesterday.

there was a scene in this movie about a wheelchair-bound tissue-seller outside simei mrt station. i'm not sure whether she's still there now. this lady looks a bit odd and belts out her own songs the whole day, inviting passerbys to buy her tissue paper. and when she's tired or bored of her songs or just wants to pass time, she sings hymms in her own language about and to jesus, about how she's happy because jesus is with her. and when she's interviewed, one can't help but admire how lovable and cheerful she is. but what struck me even more is how she could still put her faith in god, knowing that he would surely provide. she said so herself. she said that somehow, god just provides and she's happy. later on in the interview, she talks about her jesus and how he loves her and asks the interviewer, who also happens to be the director, whether she'd like to listen to one of her christian hymms and whether she's christian. the director says she is not christian and has no religion and requests for the $1-song, to which the lady replies by inviting her to try believing in jesus and then sings the $1-song. what a lady. what trust. what joy. what faith!

then, there's our brother, colin, who always seems to be bursting to share, even when he's in the pits of his life. and now, he narrates to us his own experience of salvation and we are once again in awe of god's providence and one's trust in that.

and i was also re-reading my post. and then i saw something i typed.

how could i even lift my hands to the sky to praise god knowing he had given and taken away, so many times? but that was what he gave me, the grace to say, "god, your plans are better than mine, and so i praise you."

and then, i was at the last cell blog, listening to praise you in this storm. and i heard these lines,

as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

and i remembered what i told jeanette that night when we were united at assumption university at 3am in the morning. i didn't know what i was doing there, after all the things that happened before that, but i recalled that these lines kept playing in my head, even whilst i was walking down orchard road to school with tears seeping out from my eyes every now and then: "and though my heart is torn, i will praise you in the storm," and "when the darkness closes in lord, still i will say, blessed be your name," and "you give and take away, still my heart will choose to say, blessed be your name."

this experience is not unique to bangkok. i've experienced this more and more the past few times i've travelled, with the past seeming incomplete, with the future so uncertain, with things getting stolen and returned, with strangers guiding me, with experiences that changed my heart; what i'm saying is that (not so) strangely, i've always felt myself protected under the wing of god even more so, when i'm separated from the people i love and whom i know love me. that's one very powerful aspect of travelling for me. but this time in bangkok, in retrospect, i realised that god had indeed bestowed the grace upon me to recognise his constant, loving presence in my life during those few days when i really just had to sit back and relax.

and perhaps, all these "messages" are an invitation for me, for us, to trust more in the consistency and abundance of god, to acknowledge that he alone is our provider and he alone can take it all away any time, to put our trust not in man, but in god, and to build our foundation in him where our hearts should come to rest (home is where the heart is, right?).

love,
shireen