Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God ...

Dearest Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Well, once again, I have much to share with you BASIC.

For the past few weeks, I have been struggling quite a bit trying to seek for confirmation and affirmations from the Lord. I am sure you guys heard about my testimonies about how God has been providing me. Well, if you guys have read my previous long long blog entitled "Time to submit your paper" This is time round with regards to this blog, i would continue where the Lord has left off from there. So much to share from where He is leading me now in my search for Him in life.

This morning, I went for morning in SFX. Just before I went for mass, i was asking God once again whether it is His Will for me to accept the gift that my godfather is giving me. It was really a great gift and i need a confirmation from the Lord where this would be the right time and whether this is truly from our Loving and Perfect Father. I kept asking and struggling with it. I was struggling because to some extent, my mother was not too please about the idea but she gave me the freedom to choose and decide on my own. I have to admit that i have been struggling because i needed the support of my mother to decide and of course, i have tendency of the need to please others. But since she gave me the 'green light' to decide on my own, i turn to the Lord to seek for confirmation and affirmation. I told the Lord this morning that I need you to confirm with me that this is truly your will and then, I would not be straying away from you by accepting this gift. This very generous gift of yours ... if this is truly His gift for me.

Well, in one of my blogs, I mentioned that i have decided not to accept it. I wrote to my godfather the reasons why i am not accepting twice. I rejected his offer twice. But as i was rejecting this offer, i knew deep down in my heart i wanted the gift. I knew, as well, that this would be of great use for me and the people around me. It would be a gift where i could share with others well. And moreover, it will save a lot of my time waiting for the buses and MRT especially since i have decided to pick up my studies once again. In another words, i will be studying, working and ministering... I would be very taxed. My commitment will all be affected. If you could remember in one of my super long blog about my discernment process towards my studies. There were about 8 pointers altogether (if i am not wrong). Of the six pointers, 2 of them are my greatest anxieties and worries. But i put in on hold and i surrender to God since He has given me the go ahead with my studies plans. The 2 worries were my financial burdens and time commitment. And by the grace of God, two of my worries were resolved in just one email from my godfather.

In any case, as i was struggling with those questions as i woke up this morning. The Lord affirmed me once again that I should accept this gift. On Wedneday, the day before Ascension day, I had a chat with a friend, a catholic friend who we shared quite a bit in our faith journey. We usually chat on MSN. While talking to this friend, I became quite convinced that the Lord is fine with the idea and that this is gift for me. Next, that very evening, I met up with Edwyn d'souza ... and he shared with me something that really struck me ... God is crazy and insane about me ... His love for me is truly and really insane. He gave me the full support of that idea and he boost me with confidence that i will be able to drive well. Actually he said more than that, but these were some of the significant words that really strucks me. It was then that i became aware that this is really way beyond my dream to accept such a generous gift from my godfather. Even after talking to him, there were some negative inner voices that haunt me and i was quite affected by it especially this morning.

However, it was this morning that I told the Lord to confirm the message. He spoke to me twice. Even after I received the first confirmation this morning (at mass), I was still not convinced, so i told the Lord, I needed one more confirmation. And true enough, he confirmed with me through Raymond Tan during our core group meeting as I was sharing with the core about my good news.

It was in today's Gospel that i received the confirmation:

Jn 16:23 - 27

"On that day you will not question me about anything. Amen, amen, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you. Until now you have not asked anything in my name; ask and you will receive, so that y our joy may be complete."

"I have told you this in figures of speech. The hour is coming when i will no longer speak to you in figures but I will tell you clearly about the Father. On that day you will ask in my name, and I do not tell you that I will ask the Father for you. For the Father himself loves you, because you have first love me and have come to believe that i came from God."

The second paragraph struck me very hard that i broke down in tears during mass. That He loves me so crazily and insanely that he giving me something way beyond my expectation and dream. Having a car is something that i never dream really dream of ... way at the bottom of my list. But my Father in heaven knows me so well that he giving me something that I have never expected. Though my earthly father has left my family, as what Jeanette had shared in her blog, the heavenly father said taht He would like to be my father.

Even after i went for mass, I was still not so convinced, because Father Gerard was saying about cars .. that we should not be asking things like new car, new home blah blah .. i like opps ... so i was still struggling with it. It was when I was in the adoration, i ask God to confirm with me one more time. And He did, He spoke through Raymond Tan. After I shared my story, He said that this could be a way of evangelization as I drive this car around. It is only when we seek the kingdom of God then everything will be given unto you. And guess what ... as he was sharing that message ... something hit me ... in that very gospel that was read this morning came to me as something that it linked to Luke 11:9 - 13:

"And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opene. What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? if you then, who are wicked, know how to give a good gifts to children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to thos who ask him?"

Never did i knew that that same passage was actually linked to one of my favorite hymn ... Seek ye first the Kingdom of God .. this was the song that the left for me 8 years ago when my father separated from my mother. It was at that time, my first time when i met my father after i heard the news. Some of you might remember the story. For those who have not heard, here's the story. I remembered i was crying a lot when i heard that my father is leaving the family and that he has another family of his own. It was very heartbroken for me. At that time, i was working part time in Middle Road which is near Bugis Junction - it was in April 2000. Before i went to see my father, i was in the toilet praying in tongues asking the Lord to speak through me as i meet him. Just imagine, i was meeting him up in the restaurant, and then all of a sudden as i was talking to him ... Seek ye first the kingdom of God sonng was played. During that time, that song kept coming to me la. And the moment when i needed God most, God was there for me with that song asking me to seek his kingdom before anything else.

As my father left me, so does the Heavenly Father became more and more real in my life especially in the last 8 months since my opertions. I became more aware of my sonship with Him. And that I needed the Heavenly Father more than anything else and that He is truly the Perfect and Loving Father in my life.

So when we seek Him first, He will add things that you least expect ... and true enough i did not expect much and my dearest daddy is giving me something much more than what i expected ... praise be to God ..

It was so ironic tat, Father Robert Fabricy, the same priest who would be coming to Singapore next weekend at the Pentecost Sunday in Holy Spirit Church, prophesied something 7 years ago that there was a boy who is angry with his father and I broke down very badly because deep inside me i knew the Lord was talking about me .... for those who could remember, it was held in Habour Pavilion. If i am not wrong, it was a healing rally back then. How wonderful it is that we are celebrating Pentecost Sunday next week and the same passage up there spoke to me ... in Luke that ask for the Holy Spirit and it will be given to you .. Praise be to God!!!

With Love,
Your brother in Christ,
Colin Sng