"Do you love me as much as you think you can, never mind it being imperfectly?"

oh my gosh, harlow people. i'm sup to come home to do work, set mid-year exam papers, but got so hooked onto reading our blogs that i had to share too. exam papers, pls wait.

every sunday at about evening time six plus, i'll feel super sian, cos monday is going to come again. the dreadful day of meeting a particular class of students is going to come again, the defeated feeling of not being able to control them and make them keep quiet and motivate them will once again dampen my spirit and motivation for teaching once again. every week i live through this ordeal. no exception last night.

but this monday morning, recalling that i had a wonderful easter experience, i tried to take things differently. if i had an experience and encounter with God, surely that must change things in my life? so surely, that change must start today? i walked into class, being very conscious that i had been placing expectations on that bunch of students, expectations that were way too high for them to reach, way beyond them. i was not meeting them at their level, but was hoping that they will rise up to meet where i am. so i tried to be very conscious that i should lower my expectations, close one and a half eye to whatever i normally would not accept. i don't know if such attitude of mine will do them more harm or good, but i have no other choice but to try. i can only tell from the fruits (if any) of this decision.

after the lesson, i went to the toilet (where inspirations find it easiest to sink into me), and i thought about how disastrous it would be if God had expected me to be perfect, because i know i am not. then i recalled the passage about Jesus asking Peter thrice "Do you love me?". the first two times, Jesus was asking "Peter, do you love me like i love you, perfectly?". but the third time that Jesus asked, Jesus was really asking, "Peter, do you love me as much as you think you can, never mind it being imperfectly?" I felt like Peter. (my gosh, just as i'm typing this sentence, the song from the blog played: "Lord, i'm amazed by you, how you love me. How great is your love for me!") and i learnt that these kids are really still grasping and groping around for guidance and direction, this is really the time when they make the most number of mistakes. how i feel so called to be super patient and accepting. i pray that God will increase my patience and acceptance for them and teach me how to guide them.

Praise God.

Ever-lynn