"Poem on Toil"

Ages, it has been ages i have last blog .. if i am not wrong my last entry was about my Physics paper.. so many things have happened since the 1 month plus. The question that i asked myself was "have you been growing ?" I am not sure..... but i thank God for the experiences that i had.

I hope this is not an overdued thansgiving letter to Our Lord n Our Lady in relationship to my exam results. Praise the Lord that i cleared all my papers and esp my killer paper PHYSICS. I was so glad that I do not have to DO it again. Yah, i cLEARED with a D (a min pass). i was awed that God see me thro in all that I do.. in the process of going through this, i am indeed blinded by my expectation and how i have lost touch with GOD....

Since exams were over, i started work, i started to meet up with friends (friend that i found it hard to talk to and pple i am very comfortable with) and even started to be part of a new ministry-RCPM (Roman Catholic Prison Ministry). All these EVENTS in my life really added more meaning. It challenged me to move out of my comfort zones, at the same time to make me realised my own "hidden agenda" for example; i want to be appreciated n loved. hmm..... i praise God for allowing me to discover myself in the process.

anyway i will stop here, must get back the spirit to blog soon....

Leave this verse for us to ponder Ecclesiates 1: 2 - 11 (RSV)

Vanity of vanities, says the preacher
vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
What does man gain by all the toil
at which he toils under the sun?
A generation goes, and a generation comes,
but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises and th sun goes down,
and hastens to the place where it rises.
The wind blows to the south,
and goes round to the north;
round and round goes the wind,
and on its circuits the wind returns.
All streams run to the sea,
but the sea is not full;
to the place where the streams flow,
there they flow again.
All things are full of weariness;
a man cannot utter it;
the eye is not satisfied with seeing,
nor the ear filled with hearing.
What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done;
and there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there a thing of which is said,
" See, this is new"?
It has been already,
in the ages before us.
There is not remembrance of former things,
nor will there be any remembrance of later things yet
to happen among those who come after.

happy ppl of msc

I went trekking with Janice today!

it was a breathtaking experience being able to interact with God's creation, which really really testify His Love. all the creatures, all the beauty will testify your love

never have I seen this sight of singapore before, i never take time to appreciate the uniquenesss of singapore wild life. Sure I have trekked so many forest and jungles in 2 yrs, but I never tried to understand the beauty and purpose of the soil, insects and plants.

It took me away from all the hustle in the city. The feeling was like the 4 days in Thailand, when the soul suddenly have a peek into God's kingdom, without any distractions, without any devilish thoughts lurking around.
Whats better than understanding the beauty of it all from a fellow sister in Christ.

We will be camping ( staying overnight ) and hiking in pulau ubin next week.
Join us!

but a word of caution- you are gonna be muddy, you will get bitten by insects and slapped by brunches, my timbleland shoes are now like mud shoes of cave men after today

But all is worth it for the fun, interaction with God's creation and the feeling of being lifted up into the skies to appreciate it all!

THe world is complicated, God is simple.
Yes God, I want a simple life which equals to following you.

I Will Testify Your Love

I want to praise, i want to thank God for the beautiful semester, for seeing through the semester, to be indifferent to what people say about me but depend fully on you for guidance. for letting my character pull through, for spilling over your love to the people around me, for I am proud to have been an instrument of you in school.

Just as I thought I have messed up another sem, doing my after action review, trying to find out what went wrong, a close friend from my course msg me today thanking me for my help.

Just when I thought things will only get harder, that it is gonna be a start of a cold battle betw me and the financial world, a friend opened my heart to God's love once again.

My friend and I were just platonic friends who only attend one module together, turn project mates, beng head strong, we were having endless verbal war with one another. I never dreamed we will ever share about our private life, and become study partners one day.

As I thought back about how it all started, it was really God's grace that I had the humility and patience. Project intially was a selfish thing, I make sure everyone fits into my time table and not the other way round, when things go wrong, trouble shooting what went wrong was not done out of love but out of own selfish wants of getting my 'A'

One day, in the midst of the semester, i went for mass and was challenged to let Love be the centre of everything I do.

And I tried so hard to put that into perspective all the time, it was hard, it was a struggle, but I carried my cross.


That is what makes a catholic different from a normal person

the happiness I showed even during the most difficult time brought joy to people.

was it worth it? to always let people step on you? to struggle all the time when things could be much easier?


A brother of mine told me that I did not give up everything for nothing. but I gave up everything for Everything. Profound? - ponder

when I thought God was not there, the same brother told me that God is always there

I teared. one time, two times

And I am tearing again at the moment for how amazing his love is. For I am affirmed by his love. He showed me the fruits i reaped. I may not have done well, but I have was an instrument of his Love.

having a birthday cake in the midst of the exams seems impossible, my friends made it possible. I never see it beyond the reason that we have been through ups and downs together the whole sem. But today, I thank God for the character I have shown, which made all this possible.

I want to get A
I want a double degree
I want to be in the 'cool' gang
I want to be different


Oh well, I may seem limp and fake to never dream of big cars, house or being an associate one day

I just know I am just so happy, jumping for joy just to able to testify your love!

Steven

THese are some of the photos taken during my trip in Malacca ...

(remember to include ur name AND label at the end!!)

"I just called to say i love you" by Steview Wonder

Dearest Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I am sharing this wonderful experience i had with my father this morning ... i just sense the Lord doing something more in my and my father's life which i don't know what it is.

Well, this morning, my father messsaged me, as usual asking me about my life and situation in Singapore. I just updated him that i came back from the Malacca from the Set Free seminar and then he replied me sharing with me his courtship days with my mother in Malacca back in 1978. In fact, just before I left for Malacca, my mother was sharing me the same thing and she told me the times when they were both holding hands together and people back then were damn weird la ... they were both looking at my parents holding hands together; thinking my parents were weirdos ... after that, i replied him that "ya ... it seemed to bring you back a lot of memories and all."

And then, this is what he replied me via sms, "It sure brings back all those memories which i am so afraid of. Only this morning, i cried when i heard Stevie Wonders's "I just call to say i love you..." it's the song that i know you love and saw you singing so happily when you were just so young. Remember? Now you know why I said i am so afraid of remembering my past. It hurts so much that everytime this happens, i need to pray to God to forgive me for what i have done to you both."

I am glad that he's repentant about what he has done and i believe God has already forgiven him. In any case, I have written him a long long letter which was long overdued since Good Friday. It was on Good friday that he told me he had a beautiful experience of the our loving and merciful God and he broke down so much during the whole service during Good Friday. I always wanted to follow up from there since He's in New Zealand and actually wanted to ask him to go for one of the Schools in ICPE - New Zealand so that he could grow more and more in his faith journey with Jesus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pblg2fuxl4M&mode=related&search=

Do check out this song... I believe some of you might know this songs ... oh yes ... this song really brings me back a lot of memories. This is one of the songs that my father and i really like it. I use to see him as my role model especially when he sing songs like this .. there are actually more songs than this but i could not remember most of them. I remember him as my role model ... especailly when he helps out in the family with those carpentry and repairing work ... just like a relationship with Joseph and Jesus... i mean it man ... the last work i did with him before my parents divorced was when he did with me my O Level Design and Technology Project - i got an A for that ...

Come to think of it ... he actually taught so much skills when i was young .. but i never actually continued from there as i have forgotten much of it.

With Love,
Your brother in Christ,

Colin Sng

This photo was taken with Fritz and Diana Mascarenhas (their youngest daughter) from ICPE India (http://www.icpe.org/MC_Home.php?MCID=8) @ the Set Free Seminar in Malacca - Good Shepherd Seminary. So privilege to take photograph with them. They are really a role model to me man ... I just pray that one day I would be like them if God ever willed to be a couple ICPE Missionary. They are such a wonderful inspiration to me especially when they shared about their journey towards marriage and they literally surrendered their whole lives to God our loving and perfect Father. Can you believe it ... Fritz did not even pursue Diana ... what he did was he surrendered all His Plans to our Loving Father - complete trust.

For those who are not aware, this Set Free Seminar, to me was super good for young adults. It covers topic on relationships, friendships, boundaries, human sexuality, and sex. The topics covered are so essential in our growth towards marriage especially those who think that their personal vocation is a call towards marriage ...

Anyway, there might be a possibility that Diana might be organizing a similar session (Set Free) in November 2007 in Singapore itself. She came to Singapore in November 2005 ...

"God of Relationships" - Set Free Seminar

Dearest BASIC,

As you all know, I went for a weekend retreat @ Malacca by Fritz and Diana (Couple Missionary) from ICPE - India. It was known as the "Set Free" Seminar where it touches a lot on psycho-spirituality and human sexuality. How psychospirituality can really affect our relationship with God and the people around us ... One of the important lessons i learnt over e weekend is that psycho-spirituality is about this .. that we uses psychology to understand ourselves and also the relationships that we encounter in our daily lives. HOwever, we can't just simply depend on psychology as it will just stop at understanding but forgetting the importance of the Divinity of God .. hence, psycho-spirituality is also about allowing the Holy Spirit to heal that area of our relationship so that we could move on to be a much more wholesome person ... to be set free from our bondages that we are not even aware of. So the goal of healing is about allowing God to make us to be whole once again ...

In any case, I would say it is quite a handful for me .. there were so much thoughts in my mind that i did not really had the opportunity to jot down and to internalized my thoughts until last evening when i was with the Men-to-Men Fellowship session at Coffee Bean (S'goon Gardens)... there are 13 of us there. It was when i started internalizing and sharing that i got the whole big picture of what is God telling during the weekend. And again, He is challenging some more now ... after so much of Divine Experiences on His Divine Providence.

Well, before I began, perhaps, I would like to give a summary of what we actually went through over the past three days. One of the topics we dealt with was on Erik Erikson's personality theory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erik_Erikson). Diana was the one who presented the topic and she gave quite a number of examples. It was when she spoke about young adults on (Intimacy vs. Isolation) and then she go on sharing about one particular example on promises. During that period, I felt the Holy Spirit was really speaking to me - this is really the time when God intervene into my life. I broke down when Diana mentioned about promises and waiting and it was exactly when i remembered the time when I was really young i kept pestering and asking my father when he will be coming back. I was waiting and waiting but to no avail. He promise that he will come back but he did not. I remembered how I have this deep belief that the family that prays together stays together so I was actually literally waiting for him to come back so that we could really pray together as a family that was what i really wanted at that point in time.

And then, the Lord shared with me more stuff over the next two days where it was really written in the Scriptures that those who says that He love the Lord but does not love his neighbour is a liar. It really hit me as well. I really that i could really relate to God of Providence so much especially after so many experiences i had with the Lord in the area of providence. It then dawned upon me that i could trust in His Divine Providence but could not trust Him in terms of relationships. For those who have been journeying with the Community long enough would probably agree with me that most of my mistakes that i have made in the past are all related to relationships. I realised that i had this tendency to cling on to people very easily as what Diana/Fritz would put it ... co-dependent relationships. That is not a healty relationship .. and all these are due to my deep insecurity in me hence, causing so much of mistakes especially in the area of ministry. I have fallen so many times because i was not able to trust in the God of Relationships. And this also applies to my struggle with the people within my family and even Janice. I could not trust Him enough that the time will come when He will provide me with the right person in my life. With regards to the Divine PRovidence, well i guess I was able to trust Him in the area of providence simply because I was provided much when i was very young before my parents were divorce especially since i was the only child. Whatever i asked for, I was practically given but of course, they know their limits and they would provide me what is really important for me.

I felt the Lord is really challenging to accept what has happened in the past of my father not promising what he promised and to move on. But i do admit that i have move on in the area of my anger towards my father in a lot of ways but there are still some areas that God is going to move me more and more. But i guess another message that the Lord was telling me was my relationship with my mother. What i felt was that i was able to relate to God the Father so much that i have neglected my relationship with my mother and the people around me such that i have isolated myself . In fact, I was pretty aware of how much i have isolated myself from the rest of the people through using the laptop or the computer in my office to shut myself off from the people. This isolation i felt was so much to do with the many hurts i have been through due to the mistakes that i made as i cross many boundaries of others and not learning to balance to take a step back when it's necessary. I was fearful to create a healthy relationship with others hence this isolation has been so evidental lately within my family and hence, the Lord is really challenging me to come out of my comfort zone which is really a big struggle for me.

But i believe that i first need to accept myself more and more and also to accept that situation that happened many years back when my father did not act on his promises which affected my situation now.

So i pray that God will heal me more and more and to set me free from the bondage of being isolated from the people around me.

Thanks.

With Love,
Your brother in Christ,
Colin Sng

Do we forgive to have faith or have faith to forgive?

Rem i shared about my relationship with my mum some weeks back?

well, one week ago, i quarrelled with her. in the tense situation, i took the opportunity to really say out my true feelings to her, about how hurt i was in the way she treated me, about how unappreciated i felt. i thought it would end up in a bitter cold war, but thank God it didn't. the good thing was, becos we both were full of pride, i put a challenge before her :"since we are both at fault, i am willing to change. are you?" thank God she said yes. dunno what i'd do if she said no. so well, cos of my pride, and my big mouth, i have to do wat i said: change. maybe it was good too. costhe days that followed, i could see we really did put in effort to give in to each other, even tho it was in the tiniest things. but it was a good start.

during those times, i prayed so much about it for the grace to want to do something about it. didn't expect God's grace to come in this form. but i was also very awe-struck when there was one day that i read the daily mass readings and there was this passage about faith and forgiveness. i was wondering wat has faith got to do with forgiveness? and i realized how GOd spoke to me.

rem in my previous post, i didn't believe in God's love for me, that was about not having the faith in God's love. and this issue is about forgiveness. so do we forgive in order to have faith or have faith in order to forgive? during one of the weekdays, i went for novena noon mass, and it was so "coincidental" that it was they were having the divine mercy devotion (forgiveness). the priest spoke about how we never think too much about all the planes that land safely in the airport but once there is A plane crash, it becomes the headline. we have focused too much on the negative things and have not looked at the positive things enough. when we really look at the numerous blessings/help/miracles/providence/goodness that God has given me in my life, i will have the faith that "Yes God does love me afterall". when i'm convicted of God's love for me, i believe in His mercy for me too. If God has mercy on me, can i (an imperfect being) not have mercy on my mother too? perhaps it may sound very cliche, but i guess mere words will never be able to fully express the tangible experience that i felt and went through.

I truly praise GOd for this wonderful, healing experience and encounter. i can actually "see" the effects of this transformation taking place, manifested in having more peace when talking to my mother (forgiveness), and believing more and more that i can be loved in my relationship (faith in God's love thru my relationship). Thank you dearest Father, for healing me! I love you too!

Lynn

Prayer is like using hair conditioner

My oh my, it's been ages since i last blog cos of exams, post-exam activities, marking, etc. i'm finally here today to pen some thoughts, in fact many thoughts have come and gone.

i rem slightly more than a month ago (Labour Day), i was struggling with relationship, with the insecurity and the need to constantly feel important to someone. felt frustrated to the point that i became very stressed and tired of this insecure feeling. took a break from relationship for awhile. and realized that i was too overly-attached to the need to feel important all the time. perhaps it was becos i felt small and insignificant all the time, so i needed to feel important all the time to counter the sad fact of my insignificance and unimportance.

came to realize that i was not at all convinced of God's love for me at all. i recall having this realization last year in dec, think during the retreat. over the months when school started, i just conveniently forgot about it, swept it under the carpet, and now it's here to haunt me again. my need to feel important before God manifested itself in my need to feel important in my relationship, needed to be treated like a princess (haha), needed to be given priority all the time. i say yes, u better dun say no. i say left, u better dun say right. made me feel very self-centred.

over the short time away, i was really looking for a breakthrough. i really wanted to be healed of this once and for all. i really didn't want this thing to bug me anymore, it was too tiring. so i really made the decision to pray daily, for the first time. though i've been in ministry so many years, how ironic that i never made the effort to pray daily, even though i preach about it at every camp that we do. this time, i was serious. i figured my freshest time of the day would be immediately after a bathe. so almost everyday after my bathe, no matter what time, i would fix the next 15 minutes after bathe time for prayer. since i hated monotony, i would require a prayer that changes everyday. what better prayer than to pray the daily mass readings, Word of God. so i did.

first 5 min: thank God for any moments i felt His presence and help, as well as to offer up that prayer time to God. i realize asking God to sanctify and purify our time to God is crucial in really making the prayer time productive and enriching, becos in maintaining prayer, it's never just about using our human strength, it's always a collaboration with God, so how can we not ask God to help us, even if it's just asking Him to keep us faithful and focused in that 15 min. next 5 min, read the first reading, the responsorial psalm and the day's Gospel, slowly as though i was reading at the pulpit for mass. last 5 min, reflect and dwell on any part of the readings that i like, or that struck me, or that i dun understand. end off with a glory be. this 15 min daily prayer has kept me going till now.

i came to learn that building up our prayer life is like using conditioner for our hair. the very first time u use a hair conditioner, you would not be able to tell its effect. only when u use it consistently over a period of time, then can u tell if it's a good conditioner or not. similar, if u stop using the conditioner just for one day, it would not affect your hair quality very much. but if u stop using it for a few days, you can actually feel that your hair is rougher and less manageable. same for prayer. if we only pray 1,2 or 3 days, we would not feel the peace and guidance of the Spirit in our lives effectively. only when we consistently keep to a prayer routine, then can we feel God's wisdom and strength consistently. and even if u stop prayer for one day, it's fine as long as u pick it up again the next day. the danger here is that once u stop for one day, there is a higher tendency to stop the second day. this is where the real danger lies. i noticed that same effect with taking my thyroid medicine, my vitamin pills, even in relationship.

Consistency is the word here.

Lynn

MSC! (:

hello!

as i was walking down from church today, i was just thinking about msc, and realising that this is such a blessing in my life! (: haha. and i was blogging and thot it would be quite good to post it here too! (:

being in msc really amazes me sometimes, amidst all the teasings and fun
and laughter we share, and all the seriousness, the quarrels, the struggles,
the busy-ness and high committment level of things, the long meetings and the
prayerful mood sessions, the friendships built and the deep sharings between
people, the special hanging-out and ado sessions, the starting of a new
beginning, new ministries and new cell groups......

sometimes it can be so overwhelming when i see everything slowly unfolding to see how God is leading us all the way esp how far we have come, sometimes so upsetting when i feel left out and sometimes feel so happy cos i feel so integrated in it all. this whole myraid of feelings just shows how much msc means to me, too much to ever want to be without it ever. (:

you all are really such a special bunch of people in my life.

so really, i thank God for MSC, and for all of you for being a part of it. (: