Prayer is like using hair conditioner

My oh my, it's been ages since i last blog cos of exams, post-exam activities, marking, etc. i'm finally here today to pen some thoughts, in fact many thoughts have come and gone.

i rem slightly more than a month ago (Labour Day), i was struggling with relationship, with the insecurity and the need to constantly feel important to someone. felt frustrated to the point that i became very stressed and tired of this insecure feeling. took a break from relationship for awhile. and realized that i was too overly-attached to the need to feel important all the time. perhaps it was becos i felt small and insignificant all the time, so i needed to feel important all the time to counter the sad fact of my insignificance and unimportance.

came to realize that i was not at all convinced of God's love for me at all. i recall having this realization last year in dec, think during the retreat. over the months when school started, i just conveniently forgot about it, swept it under the carpet, and now it's here to haunt me again. my need to feel important before God manifested itself in my need to feel important in my relationship, needed to be treated like a princess (haha), needed to be given priority all the time. i say yes, u better dun say no. i say left, u better dun say right. made me feel very self-centred.

over the short time away, i was really looking for a breakthrough. i really wanted to be healed of this once and for all. i really didn't want this thing to bug me anymore, it was too tiring. so i really made the decision to pray daily, for the first time. though i've been in ministry so many years, how ironic that i never made the effort to pray daily, even though i preach about it at every camp that we do. this time, i was serious. i figured my freshest time of the day would be immediately after a bathe. so almost everyday after my bathe, no matter what time, i would fix the next 15 minutes after bathe time for prayer. since i hated monotony, i would require a prayer that changes everyday. what better prayer than to pray the daily mass readings, Word of God. so i did.

first 5 min: thank God for any moments i felt His presence and help, as well as to offer up that prayer time to God. i realize asking God to sanctify and purify our time to God is crucial in really making the prayer time productive and enriching, becos in maintaining prayer, it's never just about using our human strength, it's always a collaboration with God, so how can we not ask God to help us, even if it's just asking Him to keep us faithful and focused in that 15 min. next 5 min, read the first reading, the responsorial psalm and the day's Gospel, slowly as though i was reading at the pulpit for mass. last 5 min, reflect and dwell on any part of the readings that i like, or that struck me, or that i dun understand. end off with a glory be. this 15 min daily prayer has kept me going till now.

i came to learn that building up our prayer life is like using conditioner for our hair. the very first time u use a hair conditioner, you would not be able to tell its effect. only when u use it consistently over a period of time, then can u tell if it's a good conditioner or not. similar, if u stop using the conditioner just for one day, it would not affect your hair quality very much. but if u stop using it for a few days, you can actually feel that your hair is rougher and less manageable. same for prayer. if we only pray 1,2 or 3 days, we would not feel the peace and guidance of the Spirit in our lives effectively. only when we consistently keep to a prayer routine, then can we feel God's wisdom and strength consistently. and even if u stop prayer for one day, it's fine as long as u pick it up again the next day. the danger here is that once u stop for one day, there is a higher tendency to stop the second day. this is where the real danger lies. i noticed that same effect with taking my thyroid medicine, my vitamin pills, even in relationship.

Consistency is the word here.

Lynn